It's been a rainy weekend, but quiet. I'm starting to feel a bit more in control of my emotions. Finally, I made it to the gym and was happy to see that I lost 4 lbs. out of the 40 I need to lose. IT's amazing, I feel flabby but not 40 lbs overweight. Once the weight is gone, it's another step towards healing. Not having to see a once pregnant belly in the mirror.
In a spiritual sense, this whole ugly event has taught me to appreciate and love my body- even though some part of me feels that she (my body) has failed me. When I'm honest with myself, I realize it's not my body that failed me, it's my mind. No, it's not that i am beating myself up, I'm having a very human awakening. There are times when I was too negative about my body image, my ability to handle a baby, disappointment over goals that I did not acheive. Those thoughts are lies. I'm reading the Four Agreements and it's wonderful! the first "agreement"- be impeccable with your word- stop using it against yourself!
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