it's hard to believe but in about a month our baby will be here. The time has flown yet it seems like forever. As I affectionately call him, little bean, it has been difficult to become too attached. I've walked through this pregnancy on pins and needles, with severe caution.
In a way I feel guilty for not celebrating him more. No baby shower. No 3d ultrasound. Only last minute room prep and cute little blue clothes. I can't wait to meet him.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Dreams
Pregnancy always means crazy dreams. Maybe this is a time where we process all of our emotional "stuff: good and bad. Maybe it's the hormones or that chocolate ice cream I ate before bed. Either way I am amazed at my dreams lately. For a while they were so ridiculous I started forgetting them. This week I've had a few that left me mystified.
In one dream my little bean was here. He was a beautiful baby boy with lots of black hair. He was not tiny but more like a baby of 6 months at least. He seemed to advance in age. Like I imagine myself as a new mother, I was scrambling trying to figure out what to do for him. He was not fussing, but I guess I was trying to decide to feed or bathe him. I was extremely nervous about fulfilling his needs and not knowing what they were in that moment. I went to gather bath supplies and suddenly realized I was able to "receive" his thoughts almost telepathically. He seemed a bit demanding, yet he was peaceful and happy. I was suddenly felt calm, knowing what he needed. Love was a big part of this. My anxiety over knowing what to do was loving him so much I could only do the right thing. Also, another weird thing about this dream, when I went to hold him in my arms to nurse him, I noticed he had almost a full set of tiny baby teeth. I woke up laughing at this imagining my nipple getting bitten and maybe I shouldn't read anymore Twlight books.
The very next night I had an even more intense dream. This time I was still pregnant, sitting on the floor in a room of other people in some sort of meditation group. Among us was a child walking about the room, he (maybe she) was about 4 yrs old, maybe even younger with kind of long dark hair. It could have been a girl, as there was an angelic presence to this child. As he passed from person to person it was apparent that he was a healer. When he approached me, he placed his tiny hands on my belly and said he understood there "were others" and it just was not their time....something about "birth order" being a factor and that this baby was of the number 3, in the year of 3 (2010)! I felt that there was some kind of message of reassurance that this baby would be healthy and present...for me to not worry.
I woke up at 5:55 completely stunned at the memory of such a dream. I told Rafael right away.
He told me he was also having wild dreams of white tigers and horses ..symbols of strength and courage.
Never in my life had I felt so present in my dreams, I can only believe in the angelic message as something positive and hopeful.
In one dream my little bean was here. He was a beautiful baby boy with lots of black hair. He was not tiny but more like a baby of 6 months at least. He seemed to advance in age. Like I imagine myself as a new mother, I was scrambling trying to figure out what to do for him. He was not fussing, but I guess I was trying to decide to feed or bathe him. I was extremely nervous about fulfilling his needs and not knowing what they were in that moment. I went to gather bath supplies and suddenly realized I was able to "receive" his thoughts almost telepathically. He seemed a bit demanding, yet he was peaceful and happy. I was suddenly felt calm, knowing what he needed. Love was a big part of this. My anxiety over knowing what to do was loving him so much I could only do the right thing. Also, another weird thing about this dream, when I went to hold him in my arms to nurse him, I noticed he had almost a full set of tiny baby teeth. I woke up laughing at this imagining my nipple getting bitten and maybe I shouldn't read anymore Twlight books.
The very next night I had an even more intense dream. This time I was still pregnant, sitting on the floor in a room of other people in some sort of meditation group. Among us was a child walking about the room, he (maybe she) was about 4 yrs old, maybe even younger with kind of long dark hair. It could have been a girl, as there was an angelic presence to this child. As he passed from person to person it was apparent that he was a healer. When he approached me, he placed his tiny hands on my belly and said he understood there "were others" and it just was not their time....something about "birth order" being a factor and that this baby was of the number 3, in the year of 3 (2010)! I felt that there was some kind of message of reassurance that this baby would be healthy and present...for me to not worry.
I woke up at 5:55 completely stunned at the memory of such a dream. I told Rafael right away.
He told me he was also having wild dreams of white tigers and horses ..symbols of strength and courage.
Never in my life had I felt so present in my dreams, I can only believe in the angelic message as something positive and hopeful.
Friday, February 5, 2010
the boxes
The hardest thing was packing her things. But even harder was unpacking them and preparing the room for the new baby. Another baby that I anticipate, waiting an agonizing 9 months. It seems like bad luck to be prepared. All I can do is small changes at a time. For the first several months I simply closed the door. The plan now is to transform the purple butterfly room into a blue ocean theme. For those of you who are reading this and have been through this just take your time. Don't take heed into the advice of people who have no clue what you've been through by making you feel "unhealthy" for not wanting to pack away your baby's things. Hang in there, do things as you are ready.
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