baby envy

Getting through the loss of this baby has taught me so many things. Even though there are times when I feel I am losing it, get angry, emotional, self blame and all of the stages...I realze that she was a light of my life to bring my awareness to my own feelings.
There is nothing to be taken for granted. Life is precious and can be ceased at any moment without notice. We must be greatful for small blessings we are granted. Yes, I get angry with God at times, but what does that do?
I'm very disturbed by a post I read in another support group by an angry mother who had a similiar experience with stillbith as I had. She's angry, she hates others with babies, and cannot get pregnant again. (although she does have 3 other children). This may be a natural reaction, I'm sure there are people out there who feel this bitterness. But it is this bitterness and anger that is often sabotaging their efforts to conceive again.
I believe in the works of Lousie Hay and Wayne Dyer- we manifest our physical problems with our thoughts- whether subconcious or not. Not to say that m/c and stillbirths are caused on our own. But often, there is some deep emotional issue that we have yet to resolve in our lives. We may not even be aware of it.
In order to have a healthy body, we've got to have a healthy mind. If there's one thing I learned in all of this- it's not to complain and be thankful. If I am ever granted the blessing of another pregnancy I will take care to endure every ache, pain and puke with my heart. And when I see others with babies- my wish for them is that they appreciate and love the child.
Even though I feel like some days I am in a living hell, I relaize that I am further creating that hell by negative emotions. IT's easiest to bottle them up and put on the shelf, but then how would I ever move on>