The weekend went fast. I had a great time yesterday in the company of wonderful people, great food & drinks. Some friends are doing their halloween party and we helped them make the invitations- little bodies with skull heads and fun hair.
For a few hours yesterday I didn't have to talk about the nightmare, the empty hole in my heart. since the moment it was all happening, talking was helpful- as this blog. For once, it was nice to not have to talk about it. I will never be free from the burden of anger, guilt, pain and missing Julia. The mojitos helped.
I have to admit I am not exactly on the health kick I promised my self I would. Always, I was constantly aware of eating or drinking this or that since I need the right nutrients for the baby, no artificial sweetners, not too much caffeine, and definalty no mojitos. Then it comes to my attention that the belly is empty so -it-all, I end up eating or drinking whatever I please. This is further pushing away my goal of losing some weight.
Setting goals has been difficult and discouraging. It's like everything happened so fast that now that I am processing all of it, I can't see past today. All of my dreams died too, I had the goal of having a healthy baby, I did (or thought ) everything I was supposed to and lost her.
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