I didn't expect this week to be so difficult. Out of nowhere it all hit me. In less than one month I will be going in for an amnio and then if all goes well childbirth. I just want this baby to come out screaming, healthy and alive. I'm anxious as hell,yet I'm trying to prepare myself as best I can. The emotions come up every now and then.
I made it past the new baby's room. It's blue and beautiful. I packed away all of Julia's little pink things and kept all of the neutral baby items aside for Michael. Then I found the diaper bag that was supposed to come with us to the hospital. I found diapers and all of the little prospective coming home outfits. Of course, it was difficult to see those.
My next obstacle has been whether or not to allow my friends to throw a baby shower. While I mostly have the big items I need, it's just little things like bottles, blankets, and boys clothes I have yet to buy. Of course, the idea of a baby shower is not about the gifts, but more about celebrating this baby with my friends and family. All along I have been refusing the idea of the shower, I suddenly thought I would regret not having one, like I am not doing anything to celebrate this baby. Even though, there can always be a party after he is born, not many people understand the condition of a new mom after birth. Lack of sleep, paranoia over too many people breathing on your baby (kidding), and the discomfort of childbirth recovery doesn't exactly make one want to socialize.
While I'm not sure what to do I think I will just wait it out.....
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