Monday March 15, 2010
It was almost a week that I was coming to the Dr. office for non stress tests. At this point it was no longer a non stress test. It was stressful being 35 wks and not understanding what was going on with my little bean's fluctuating activity on the monitor. But I had faith that everything would be fine. Being a Monday appt Rafa was not able to go with me. I went to the appointment without any expectations other than sitting in the recliner and reading a magazine. I distracted myself with nutrition article for nearly 2 hrs as ny dr. and rn frequently checked the monitor. while he was normally extremely active, his movements were a few and far in between. i knew he was fine. And even though I could feel him rolling around to change position every so many minutes, it was still a reading on the non stress that my dr. was considering non reactive. (scary- non reactive to me seems like no movement at all). Once again, I was sent to labor & delivery at Winter Park hospital where the same nurses monitored me a week before.
this time i was in the care of the charge nurse who had me undress (huh!?) and prep me for ultrasound. According to her she was speculating a delivery the same day. I text Rafael every update until he rushed over to the hospital. We were told the Fetal specialst Dr. Christiansen would be coming in to evaluate the situation and most likely to do an amnio. (The exact test I was due to have in a couple of days and severely dreading!)
After waiting all day in anxious agony, the dr.arrived. I think he just got off the basketball court or something, and I'm thinking, this guy was just shooting hoops and now he's going to insert a huge needle in my side?
All could do up until this point was meditate and pray. It was an uncomfortable procedure, but I was willing to endure it to see my little bean. It was uncomfortable and of course, to add to my torture, my little jumping bean moved which meant it took longer.
From that point on it was all a waiting game. If the levels in the amniotic fluid revealed lung maturity, labor would be induced. The night was long and restless for both Rafael and I. i couldn't find a single thing to distract my mind from what was to come. Sleeping was impossible since I could not move or the doppler would lose the heartbeat(or he's move), prompting an alarm to sound to reposition it. Try sleeping with that on your nerves! By 4 am, the nurse came in to inform us that the tests came back and it was a pretty sure thing I'd be delivering my beanie baby! The next thing I knew, my dr. came in to discuss options, did I want a c-section or a induction. What kind of a question as that? I knew I was not feeling like the risk of his heart rate dropping during the induction process and getting hemmorriods are not fun. While I was weary of the c sec risks, I was not in any mental capacity to push.
Everything happened so fast, from the word I was being prepped and signed a million papers until I was whisked away to the O.R. I felt like I was in a science fiction movie or kidnapped by ailens the way this anesthesiologist "student" poked at my spine. By the 5th poke I asked that the Dr. himself take over the epidural. No offense, I'd like to be able to use my legs after this is all over. The moment the anesthesia hit it was showtime. I heard the doctor say he was making the first cuts ( like I need to know this!)
One of the nurses was trying to converse with me, I was in no mood for small talk. I was praying, meditating, and focusing all of my energy to the life that was about to officially enter the world.
For the next several minutes I felt like my brilliant doctor was rumaging through my intestines like a raccoon through a dumpster.It was undeniably the strangest feeling and along with the nurse anesthetist trying to position a hand mirror so I would see the baby, only she was showing me the surgery that was taking place. Having had watched other surgeries and seeing all the blood and guts nothing quite prepares you when the tables are turned.

Within minutes I heard the cry of my son. Nothing can ever be so comforting than to give birth to a screaming healthy baby who peed, yes sprayed all over the OR. It was the funniest thing but I was too shocked to laugh or cry. Rafael was the first to hold him and they brought him to me. I kissed the forehead of this beautiful little swaddled stranger. Soon they brought me to recovery where I stayed  not even one hour without my son. I was very adamant about letting them know I wanted him right back where he belonged.
I had waited three years to hold this child and once he is in my arms, there's no letting go :) It was that night I came to the realization of never knowing a night of sleep again in my life and i didn't care.
We spent that night and every other taking turns holding him while we tried to sleep.
I couldn't take my eyes off of him, I kept remembering the song "Don't want to close my eyes" by aerosmith, because I really didn't want to miss a thing.