Life decisions...

Today we went to the fetal maternal specialist. It turns out my bloodwork was clear. There is not a blood clotting problem as earlier speculated. Prayers were answered and some kind of miracle happened. I could swear that they found at least one gene present for this before. For almost two years I have been in fear of having something wrong. Now, in my head I can eliminate a genetic cause out of 199 other probable reasons for losing Julia.
There really has not been much peace in my head. IT is so hard not knowing why something like this happens. MAybe I'm dwelling- but WHY and HOW is just the nature of how I think. This was my problem being a nurse. I can't just push meds in people all the time, treating people like guinea pigs when time and money in our healthcare system often do not coincide with finding out why. Digging to the bottom of the barrel until there is some kind of an answer.
My dr. has been great in considering my psychological state as this pregnancy progresses. I only wish they were all like that...even my regular oB. He is ok, just a different personality. The specialist today recommended some interventions that would lead to a month early induction. In  one month I would begin a series of two steroid shots to ensure the baby's lung maturity in order to do an early induction. Days before the induction I would also be getting an amnio done. I hate the thought of this. I know there is a risk involved and I don't like the invasion of my baby's security by a 6 inch needle. I don't care how common it is, and how quick it is, hokey folks like me see it as an energetic threat. In some cases, babies move away from the needle during this procedure, and even motioned to attack the needle. Sounds crazy but i believe it.
There is still time for me to consider what I feel is right in my heart and I am totally torn. Deep down, I don't like the idea of interrupting a natural process.  Do I take a chance and just wait until I am further along that everything will be fine? My body failed me last time.
Do I trust and follow the advice of both docs, with blind faith that all of these extra interventions work out and deliver early?  Will it save my sanity? I have one month of racking my brain....



The sooner I have my little beanie with us the better, but I don't want to rush him.