the great amount of weight

From this day forward I've decided I am going to keep my blogs focused on postpartum weightloss. I am feeling kind of motivated after losing 3 lbs during the holiday week. (despite the fact that I ate cheesecake, drank alcohol and had lasagna amoung other things).
I've learned that postpartum weightloss is so difficult. The pregnancy not only messes up our hormones, but it seems like the sagging has begun. Gravity is not helping me out here, my belly is looking like the front end of a volkswagon and my thighs are like melting candles. ok, so I'm being funny but I am serious about losing the weight, even though weight loss is typically difficult for me. Forget genetics, diets and doctors, I will do it! Getting in shape is the most important factor in my healing process. The day when my body no longer has evidence of this pregnancy will be the one when I can think about going into another one with confidence.
Diets don't particularly work for me. Yes I've been a 15 lbs yo-yo for most of my life. When I was in high school I was on weight watchers. There's nothing wrong with WW, but for me it is too many food options. And there is not much focus on exercise other than walking. Walking is good cardio and some activity is better than none, but to fight the gravity of sag, one must do LOTS of cardio and moderatly build up to weight lifting.
The most amount I have ever lost was around 30-40lbs, at which time I worked out with a trainer whom I learned so much from. He corrected many of my eating habits- low carb but lots of lean protein, don't bother eating iceburg lettuce (no nutritional value, instead romaine), whole grain breads over white, eating small amounts of food throughout the day rather than 3 meals - or starving myself.
Other rules I follow to lose weight- eat nothing processed. I know it's easy for someone with a schedule like mine to say no to Lean cuisine...It's a pain in the butt- but eat only fresh fruits, veggies, and anything that did not come from a can, or box. Why because the preservatives they use in these foods do us no favor.
Fast food equals fat food and I notice the more I stay away from it the faster I lose. in a pinch I will eat wendy's chilli, chik fil a grilled chicken, or a wrap but again, these foods are not what we should put into our bodies. The sodium content is too high. again...its preservatives.
I also drink lots of water. I don't drink diet sodas, only an occasional tea. Sometimes I enjoy sugarfree hotcocoa if I am craving sweets. Sugar has got to be the worst thing ever (but OH SO good!) I think this 3 lbs came about since I stopped eating anything with sugar (with the exception of juniors cheesecake on xmas) I only use Splenda in my coffee. (not a fan of artificial sweetners either, but its better than nothing)
It's not going to be easy by any means, but I believe that I can do it- anyone can. The most important factor is to love ourselves- yes love all of the cellulite, flabby chicken arms, thunder thighs and all! It is only then that we can visualize ourselves as fit, healthy. From the way I see it,. this is the beginning to being sucessful. humans spend too much time focusing on what we don't like about ourselves, not realizing that when we focus on those things as they are- they cannot change.
My fav quote- "If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten!"

The Jamie Lynn trainwreck

Ok, since I am back on the planet, I have to comment on this Jamie Lynn trainwreck, as they put it. To begin with, fame is a lot to handle at a young age. Just look at how many of the child stars are all screwed up because they grew up in the public eye. Why? In my opinion, these parents put their kids in a position where they are vulnerable to areas of maturity when they need to still be a kid- eg going through high school, learning about life without everything being handed to them. And sometimes its like they pimp out their children to the devil in order to make themselves capitalize.
Yes, it is unfortunate teenage pregnancy does happen. Even though some of the best moms I know today may have been young, I am sure everyone can agree that it robs these girls at some of the most important years of our womanhood foundation.Pregnancy is a huge mental and physical alteration- I don't know how I would have ever handled it at 16 (I'm 31!) esp the loss part..I'd probably go insane for sure.
Jamie Lynn is going to glamorize it and I think it's going to piss off parents everywhere when their girl comes home and says "but mom if jamielynn can be a mom I can do it too!" Britney wanted to be a young mom and she's done a great job- had them taken away only twice, gets them zoom treatments on their teeth, takes them tanning, and even lets them drive at 10 mos. cool mommy.
While I cannot judge Lynn Spears, I think she should have been more careful for what she wished for. After what happened with trainwreck #1, didn't she talk to her about the pill, condoms, a chastity belt?
Sorry, I would not be doing any interview with a magazine . I'd take that girl out of the public glam and show her how real life is. In the real world people have to work hard to finish school with a baby. And quite often, they don't have the same luxuries as she does. And the boy- well lets just say he would have to get a j-o-b.
Now it seems to be all over the media "what should we tell our teens"? Talk to them about birth control and even more important- hiv, herpes, hpv, etc. What ever happened to those commercials? Oh I think the pharmacuetical companies replaced the warnings with Valtrex- just take a pill and go hang gliding...it's not like you will ever have to deal with the emotions of having herpes again. We don't see commercials that deal with the prevention of stds. And even though I thought the Trojan ad where the pigs in the bar turn into men after they purchase condoms, it says nothing about disease.
It's obvious people- we are giving the wrong message to kids these days.

after the turkey

I've been dreading the holidays because its a time to remind me of the part of my family that is missing. Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful for what you have and all i could think about is what I don't. I guess I can say I was ok at putting on a front all day. Under controlled tears and crankiness left me feeling like a shaken soda by the end of the day.
It was after we left my parents that dh and i really got into it. He's pointed out that I can't seem to get my life back together, I've not been contributing my part these days, yada, yada, yada. It's all like radio talk to me, I'm living in a different reality than he can even understand. Yes, he is greving too but last night I made him understand how men are from mars and women are from venus. And this venusian is hurting, no matter how much I can convince people that I'm ok, I'm actually broken. And when something doesn't function, well, it's broken.

As a holistic practioner, I help people find balance in the health of their mind, body and spirit. these days, I find that it is not only difficult but impossible to continue with this when I can't even put the pieces of my life back together. My mind is a mess of emotions, my body is like a foreign country- I cannot lose weight or get even close to the shape I was in, my spirit feels like it's been raped. I have always been very spiritual and have tried to maintain my faith but it's hard to believe in anything anymore. I've always walked around thanking God for giving me a beautiful marriage, a great career, a loving family and everything in my life. My attitude is anything but greatful- I admit it. I'm cyncial, pissed and angry...all of the emotions that I promised I would not allow in my heart.
If only I had realized the simplier times in life....

Aunt Flo's plane was highjacked

It's been a while since I have had the time to think about my problems since so many others around me are going through some sort of a challenge these days. I've said it before and I say it again, I'm so looking forward to letting go of 2007. Yes I would chalk it up as the worst year ever.
Since the birth, I've felt like a visitor in my own body. It's not just the extra 30 pounds, it's been Ibs, joint pain, and possible thyroid problems. I'm not sure what to expect next. I was expecting to see aunt flo by now, but she has still not arrived, even 2 wks after the milk dried up, no arrival. I have been told that it is normal- here we go with that word- to not have a period for up to 4 mos and sometimes even longer.
I've been feeling that impeding sense of doom that AF was on her way in, the crampy feeling, the back pain, skin changes, the bitchiness- overwhelming desire to go coco for cocopuffs j/k! I know the tide is rolling in, but no sign of her. DH suggested that I go buy a test, but i am not sure I want to know...I'm just not ready- mentally or physically.


Of course, if i am i will make immediate changes in my life as i did before, but i will be a fanatic and i cannot help it. call me crunchy- but after what i went thru it's going to be an organic diet with no exceptions. i also plan on having a fetal heart monitor and very frequent ultrasounds.
a friend of ours is having her baby today. she is 10 days past her due date.i cannot believe how many times they sent her home. sorry, but if it was me, i will threaten to induce my own labor in the parking lot- see how fast they WILL induce! sadly, i cannot go near that hospital to see her, it just freaks me out.